A Cautionary Tale

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING EVENTS MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE. WELL, THE MAJORITY OF THEM ARE. NAMES MAY HAVE BEEN CHANGED. AS WELL AS ODORS. AND THE DAY THE EVENTS OCCURRED. BUT REALLY, THIS REALLLLLY HAPPENED.

Once upon a time there was a sweet Asian girl named Ann. Law student by day, ninja by night. Because she had vowed at the tender age of 4 to use her ninja skills only after sunset on Friday night until sunset Saturday night (when crime is at its highest), she was not able to use her skills to fend off library bums this past Sunday (that's right, on the holiest of days). By library bum, I'm talking about a real life bum who invades libraries, not myself. I know I can be easily confused for a bum during the school week, except for Wednesday's because no one should ever look bad on hump day.

Back to Ann, the law school ninja. Sunday. Lunch break. 15 minutes. She's gone from her tiny study room for 15 minutes. The study rooms are the size of a half bathroom, but can fit two people. They are dimly lit and have small florescent lights above the desks to light our many possessions, such as Property by Dukenminier and our coveted Puppy Helmet Outlines. Who is Puppy Helmet anyway? Ninja Ann approaches her study room, well rested from her lunch break and only half full like the Japanese recommend for dietary purposes. However, Ann is Vietnamese. She turns the door handle slightly and notices someone covering the small window on the door. "WTH", she thinks, "Must be Preston." She SLAMS the door open and out pops a LARGE HOMELESS OGRE reading books upside down and speaking gibberish. Will likes to refer to him as Homeless Pete. Homeless Pete is angered that she would barge in his literary hour. She explains to him that she was there first, a rule we all learned in kindergarten. A ninja never forgets such lessons. He proceeds to GET KRUNK on her and argues that there are TWO chairs in there and he has the right to take the 2nd chair. He failed to realize that no one, and I mean no one, messes with Ninja Ann 1L.

Ann grabs her stuff and runs down the hall to Kristin's room. She drops off her stuff there and frantically recants her story about the library bum. Kristin said that she had seen him the whole week on that very floor. She said she could smell him anywhere...he has a distinct smell, like bleach and urine. Ninja Ann BACK FLIPS (like Kim Possible) to the front lobby where a member of our police force stands guard at all hours. Guess he wasn't paying much attention if he let that shifty Homeless Pete in all week long.

Ninja Ann told her story to officials and found out his name. As resourceful as she has proven to be, she runs a background check to find that HE HAS A HISTORY OF DRUG MANUFACTURING AND DELIVERY. HE WENT TO JAIL FOR 4 YEARS FOR MANUFACTURING, POSSESSION, AND DISTRIBUTION OF ILLEGAL NARCOTICS. That explains the bleach smell. The urine is just him being Homeless Pete. While he was being escorted out, his only possessions fall out of his pockets - comb, toothbrush, and toothpaste, and a recorder.

Now Ninja Ann travels the world telling her story to all that will hear her tale of Homeless Pete.

Beware, if this happened to Ninja Ann IL, it can happen to you too. Actually, it WILL happen to you. Tomorrow.

UPDATE!

• I just bought two incredible seats for Kings of Leon! Best day ever!
• Leighton Meester's sex tape has now been sold and can be viewed on-line for a price. I'm not going to watch it but I read at pinkisthenewblog.com that she's very talented with her feet. Sick!
• NYC Prep premieres next Tuesday! Please watch!
• Lastly, I'm a little nervous about Monday's Jon & Kate Plus 8. What was supposed to be a fun episode about the kids getting play houses for the backyard is now going to be an hour long special concerning an important announcement. Watch the trailer here! I sure hope they're not getting a divorce.
  

Kings of Leon

Kings of Leon tickets go on sale this morning and I am on pins and needles! It's October 6 (Jesse's 23rd birthday!) at the Toyota Center. I already spoiled his birthday surprise by telling him three weeks ago that I was anxious to buy his birthday present and was forced to tell him what it was. I just could not hold such great joy from him! He was super excited...so now I have to make sure I secure two tickets for us!

In other news, my favorite Gossip Girl Leighton Meester has a sex tape out. You can find more info about it at perezhilton.com. Oh Blair Waldorf, Chuck Bass really did bring out the naughty vixen hidden under the argyle sweaters and flowery head pieces.

This weekend: mine and Jesse's "B" date, my first step towards conquering the Flying Saucer challenge, andFather's Day! Check back on Monday for the run down of this eventful weekend!

Sex offendors & bathroom births during dinner

Last night I went to dinner with Adam, Dan, Liz, DaNae, Molly, Anna, Nelly, and Lindsey (shout outs!) at Elite Grille. Monday night's there are awesome - $1 margaritas all night long and half price appetizers before 7pm; definitely one of Waco's best happy hours. The conversation was pretty normal: who we hate these days, which girls need to eat more than 5 carrots a day, and so forth; that is until we ran in to the topic of collegiate current events.

Baylor Student Charged With Online Solicitation Of A Minor

"The teenager was actually an undercover Austin Police Department investigator who maintained what an arrest warrant affidavit described as “a sporadic online relationship” from May 2007 until last month with an AOL user with the screen name “Final Cloud777.”'

Really? Reallllly? That's almost a two year span on sickness. The student was a senior in the Golden Wave Band.

Unexpected Dormroom Birth Catches Mother, Roommate Off Guard

A freshman student at OU gave birth in her suit bath but here's the kicker - she had no idea she was pregnant. TLC and Discovery Health both did specials on women who had no clue they were pregnant and then went into labor; however, they were large so the weight gain was seemingly unnoticeable. The OU student gave birth at 8 months and had supposedly had no significant weight gain. She was home during Christmas break...don't you think her parents would have noticed if she was 5 months prego? She allegedly did not drink or smoke during the pregnancy so the baby should be in perfect health.

Inside scoop not in the article: She went to the bathroom and her roommate noticed she was making weird noises. Her roommate, who had an internship with an OBGYN the summer before and whose long term goal is to be one herself, birthed her roommates child. Not too shabby for a semester of basic undergraduate courses under her belt.



After dinner I watched my Monday shows. Here's what I think:

• The Secret Life of the American Teenager: John is the worst name ever. Jonathan, Jonah, Johnny...names in which John could be the nickname for...but just John? Really? That's so boring. Amy could have named her son something more modern and hip like Morgan, Ashley, or Suri. Naming your son a traditionally female name is actually quite masculine these days.
• Gossip Girl: The Blaire and Nate hookup was HAWT! The viewers want more of it!
  

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